so happy birthday to me, I guess.

seriously, when I get asked, 'do you feel any older?' or 'do you feel any different?' on my birthdays, I'm just like.. -.-
what is expected of me to be said? 'oh; yes, OF COURSE! it's as if this huge wave of relief has ridden over me because I am now officially one year older than I previously was.'
...I don't understand. Anyway..
today was ok - wasn't mind-blowing; wasn't too shitty..which is good enough for me, haha. birthdays are interesting, and all, but..I don't know; holidays in general just don't agree too well with me. I always seem to feel kinda empty, like something's missing or I forgot something. it's horrible.
today, like many days, it was my father..I wish he were there. I just felt like, despite the fact that the majority of my immediate and close family were there, a huge chunk was missing..
I hope some miracle or wonder finds it's way over here and I get to see him again..I feel like I both need it and deserve it.
but on a different, less depressing note..ok; maybe not too light-hearted..
boys. GET OVER YOURSELVES, please. you put on this façade of fearlessness, authority, and macho-ness. come ON! seriously..and I know girls are just as bad; trust me, it's a given. but at least girls are somewhat - albeit a little emotional and nonsensical - open of their feelings and what's going through their heads. guys just deny shit, pretend it never happened, and go about their daily lives acting as if their not affected by anything, whatsoever..if you can honestly say that you've never had your heart broken, never cried, never backed down, never felt defenseless, then fuck off - you're only fooling yourself, schmucko.
so now that I've gone COMPLETELY OFF - TOPIC..yeah, I'm done ranting.
there's only so much you can type at 2 am with shitty vision yawning every five seconds, so..adios; für jetzt.